When my daughter Lucinda was born, I was two years into my business. I was also two years into my performance which I call the “Stacey has it all together and the show must go on” show. And hence, the performance did indeed “go on” after Lucinda was born. 

And, if I’m honest, it probably continued far longer than it ever should have! But I can confidently say it’s one “show” that I’m glad is well and truly over these days! 

When I reflect back on my 9+ years of parenting, there’s been many a transformative moment but none more so than a visit I received from my dear cousin, Melissa, when Henry (my third) was just a few months old. 

I’d had some kind of #mumfail and I jokingly said to her “Oh, Mum of the year over here!”. 

She responded: “Hang on, hang on. I’ve spent two days with you and I can tell you that you’ve said ‘mum of the year’ sarcastically to me probably 20 times and I don’t want to hear it anymore.”

What?! Really, I said, to which she replied: “Yeah, you say it all the time and you ARE mum of the year. You’re doing a great job. Stop saying it like you’re not because you’re just putting that out into the universe. If you’re actually thinking that—if that’s your self talk—then you need to tidy that up .”

WOAH. Wake up call! I had a huge martyr mentality! That self talk I was using all the time was quite detrimental because it was getting into my psyche. It was making me sick, causing me to second-guess myself, and making me feel guilty if I dared think about putting myself first.

From that point onwards, I’ve really been conscious about the words that I use and how I speak that out into the universe. I’m really conscious when other people do it as well because I know that it wasn’t helpful for me and it’s not helpful for them. 

If you’re guilty of doing or saying things like this, I encourage you to CUT. IT. OUT. (And if you don’t, I’ll send my cousin Melissa to your house!)

The self part of the motherhood journey is so incredibly important, not just for your kids, but for you as well. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you’re not spending time doing what it takes you to fill up your cup, light you up and bring you joy, then you’re not going to be able to serve anybody to your very best ability.

I’ve learned that there is zero value in playing a martyr in motherhood. Instead, we need to prioritise filling our cup. Because when we take care of ourselves, we can take better care of our kids, our partners, our friends, our businesses and our team. 

So set it in your diary. Make it happen. Prioritise it and don’t feel guilty about it. You’re actually doing it to ensure you can be of service to others, and isn’t that what we do? Isn’t that what we want?