For the longest time in my early years of motherhood I was plagued with guilt. 

Anytime I wasn’t sitting on the floor doing Duplo or engaging in whatever toy they were currently obsessed with I’d tell myself I wasn’t being “a good mum”. In other words, any time that wasn’t spent connecting with my kids was “wasted”. 

It took me a really long time to discover that while yes, I do need to connect with my children, I also need to connect with myself. AKA: Be alone, because that’s how I recharge. 

Does the thought of taking time for yourself feel completely foreign to you? We’ve been taught (raised, even) to think that putting everybody before ourselves is what a “good mum” does. 

Let me share with you this fabulous excerpt from Glennon Doyle’s book, Untamed. 

“Untamed mothers have martyred themselves in their children’s names since the beginning of time. We have lived as if she who disappears the most loves the most. We have been conditioned to prove our love by slowly ceasing to exist. What a terrible burden for our children to bear to know that they are the reason their mother stopped living. What a terrible burden for our daughters to bear to know that if they choose to become mothers, this will be their fate too. Because if we show them that being a martyr is the highest form of love, that is what they will become. They will feel obliged to love as well as their mothers did. After all, they all believe they have permission to live only as fully as their mothers allowed them to live.”

Oooof. Hits hard, doesn’t it?!

To this day I still have moments where I have to consciously reframe my thinking to remind myself that I’m not being selfish by taking time for myself. I’m actually setting an example for Lucinda. 

I want my daughter to know that she has the tools to be able to figure out what works for her in terms of regulating her own emotions, filling up her own cup and protecting her energy. 

If you were to hold up a mirror to yourself for a moment, what kind of message are your actions sending to your kids? 

This principle doesn’t just apply to our family life. It applies to our businesses as well. 

Here’s some common examples I see: 

• You invest in professional development for your staff, but keep putting off scheduling a Business Coach for yourself. 

• You plan team retreats, but haven’t taken one yourself. 

• You give your employees personal days, but don’t remember when you last had a free day.

If we put everyone else before ourselves, it makes it really hard—if not impossible—to grow and scale a sustainable, profitable business.

This week, I encourage you to think about where this martyr mentality might be displaying patterns in your own life, whether it’s at home or work, and I want you to make a little pledge to PUT YOURSELF FIRST. 

It doesn’t have to be in every single scenario, of course, but it needs to be more frequent than you’re currently doing. And if you’re looking for permission, I can safely say you have it from me and every other woman around you. (Seriously, thinking about what you would say to a girlfriend if she asked you about making an investment that was for herself? You’d probably scream DO IT! So this is me screaming “DO IT” for you.)