Let’s just start this email by declaring my love for all things Brené Brown! I just can’t get enough of everything she does. 

Her most recent offering, Atlas of the Heart, is no different, and I wanted to share with you some of my biggest learnings from having binged everything related to this book!

If you haven’t read it or heard about it, a quick overview: Atlas of the Heart; explores 87 of the emotions and experiences that define what it means to be human and walks you through a new framework for cultivating meaningful connection.

Everything Brené shares is based in research. She essentially takes piles and piles of research her and her team have done and succinctly communicates it back to us in a way that’s easy to understand. 

Here are my 3 biggest takeaways. 

1. We need to validate (not avoid) difficult emotions in conversations

When someone comes to us needing to share something hard, we often—out of fear / feeling uncomfortable / needing control—deflect away from what the person is experiencing and try to share an anecdote about our own experiences and how “it all turned out fine”. 

The truth is, in these moments the person coming to us needs to feel heard and have their emotions validated. It’s our role to be an empathetic listener, and this is something I’m trying to be so much more conscious of, whether it’s in conversations with my team or with my family. 

2. The limits of my language mean the limits of my world

As I’ve worked my way through the 87 emotions in the book, I’ve been more conscious of paying attention to what I’ve been feeling in different situations throughout my day, but also what my children are feeling. If I can help little Henry articulate how he is feeling, he and I can build a better connection with one another, and therefore when he grows up and goes out into the world he can use that knowledge to then articulate his emotions and build better connections too. If we can only express ourselves as sad, mad, or happy, for example, we’re limiting the connections we’re able to make with one other, the healing we can do, the learning we can experience and the self awareness we can gain. 

Being able to effectively communicate our emotions and how we’re feeling about situations in our day-to-day life is so important. When we have a limit on the language we can use to express ourselves, we’re limiting our experience of the world around us. 

3. Gratitude is something we practice, not something we possess. 

Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation of what we value, giving us a better understanding of the things that bring meaning into our lives. But it’s not something we can flick a switch and suddenly have. “I’m grateful. I have gratitude.” That’s not how it works! 

Gratitude has to be practised every day. It has to be a mindset and something you’re constantly working on. I love that because often I will think “I’m a very grateful person” but then I think about my mind and the way it can run away with negative self talk and I realise I need to come back to my gratitude practice to quieten the negative self talk and be reminded of everything which brings great meaning and joy to my life. 

Starting a regular gratitude practice, and doing this same exercise with the kids on the way to school each morning, has been a really lovely addition to our days. 

Okay! I could go on forever, but I’ll stop there… for today. 

Thanks for reading, and if you want to go deeper on this topic, I highly recommend this 3-Part Podcast where Brené’s sisters turn the tables on her and ask all of their questions about Atlas of the Heart.